


Spiral

by Justme_iguess



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 22:37:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13645866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justme_iguess/pseuds/Justme_iguess
Summary: "I look like her. When did I start looking just like her?""Probably around the same time you started popping pills." Mick admits, and Sasha throws him an angry look





	Spiral

At fifteen years old, Juno is really big on drugs. His arms are pincushions, and anything that could make his world different from the one he's living in is good enough to throw himself into it.

 

He's progressively gotten skinnier since the death of his brother. At first, everyone thought it was fine. He did too. He doesn't care about the way he looks anymore. He doesn't want to see his brother everytime he looks in the mirror.

 

Heroine, meth, marijuana, cigarettes, basically anything he can get his hands on. Anxiety feels far away for the first time in his life, and depression doesn't feel noticeable when everything you see isn't part of the world you live in.

 

He abandons his friends. They don't approve of his new hobbies, and how it affects him. That's okay, though. Who needs friends when you have a full bottle of xanax? Why would you need company when they're trying to take away _the only thing that makes him feel okay anymore._

 

He can be detached so much easier now. He'll never get hurt again. He'll never have to deal with so much Goddamn pain ever again. There's no longer any worry of living or dying. Who cares anymore? He doesn't feel anything this way anymore, and that's better than feeling too much. That's better than the punched-in-the-chest disorienting way he's felt for way too long. He can go to parties and dance, and laugh, and be just as much dead as he is alive. 

 

He still lives in his house, even if he spends more time in the sewers. His mother is almost never there, and he isn't ever sure where she is. Either way, his mom started making the house an ashtray before Juno started smoking. It was already littered with needles before, so he felt like it didn't matter much.

 

Sometimes his mother would sit at the ratty couch, and look at the ceiling as though it had offended her. Sara Steel would flick her cigarette butts at Juno,and eventually he just stopped fighting or flinching. He expected it. He'd sit on the alcohol stained floors, feeling his high, so that he could deal with being in the same house that-

 

He took a strong drag on his front porch. There's a party down the block later tonight. He can definitely make it.

 

\--

 

He can feel his high coursing through his body. Some person is running their fingers through his curls, with their mouths attached to each other.

 

Juno started to wonder when things like this would start to happen. When did he start shooting his arms up, and smoking till he couldn't see straight? When did he start making out with strangers on couches, sprawled on their laps like an object.

 

The person above him is panting, fanning his face. They smell like alcohol and sweat. He doesn't like the smell, but hell, who's got self respect anyways?

 

He hates himself, he realizes while he's being fucked against a mattress. He feels numb. He feels already dead, as though all emotions have left his body, and now he's just lying there with a body but no soul. Just an object with nothing attached.

 

When they're done he goes to the trailer's shifty bathroom and chain smokes. He sits inside the bathtub, looking up at the ceiling. He's so numb and he hates himself, hates himself, hates himself. He feels disgusting and _wrong_ _._ Staying here would be idiotic. What kind of kid stays in the house after a one night stand?

 

But he can't go back home. He _can't_ _._ Not now. He hates his mother so much, too much to sleep in the same house as her right now. Sleeping in the sewers is an absolute nightmare.

 

When did things get this bad? He wants to go to Mick or Sasha's house. Sasha, probably. She's smart enough to figure out anything.

 

He looks in the bathroom mirror. A cigarette dangling from his lips, his eyes bloodshot. His arms have scars from needles, and he looks so thin that he's almost a spider. He looks... Familiar. A hand drags its way across his hollowed cheeks, and then it hits him like a train.

 

His eyes are wide and scared now. And _god when did he start looking so much like his mother?_ Its just like what everyone says. He's just like her. Everything about himself right now is the same as her. Suddenly he can't unsee it, and he's grasping at his chest, hugging himself, because he's so ashamed.

 

He opens the door of this person's house and he _runs_ _._ He knows the way by heart now, but it feels like too many twists and turns to be real. When he finally gets there, he pounds on the door. His hands hurt by the time she finally opens it, and he's sobbing too hard to get any words out.

 

"Juno?" she says incredulously. "Come in, come in."

 

He does, and Mick is sitting there on the floor playing a card game. He falls to his knees and sobs until he can't anymore. They rub his back, up and down, slowly enough to help him learn how to breathe again.

 

"Jay," Mick says, calmer than ever. "What's going on buddy?"

 

He lets out a wry, ugly, sob filled laugh. "When did things get so bad?" he says for the first time. "When did things get _so bad?_ "

 

"What's going on?" Sasha asks.

 

"I _look like her_ _. When did I start looking just like her?"_

 

"Probably around the same time you started popping pills." Mick admits, and Sasha throws him an angry look.

 

But its the truth, isn't it? He's following right in her footsteps. He acts like her, he looks like her. How long until he's just like her? "I'm getting clean." he says. "I'm gonna get clean, and I'm never touching a drug again."

 

Sasha and Mick look at each other, then Sasha takes his hand. "Glad to have you back."


End file.
